so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
