im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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