do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
