I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
