So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
