Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.