she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.