he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo