Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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