soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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