i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
