Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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