this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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