paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
