I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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