guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I am available for nakedness
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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