ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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