I wish I could punch you in the face.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
