so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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