I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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