I wannas sexs uuuuu
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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