I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
