Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
