I cut my penus on the lid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You are the jesus of drinking
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
