You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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