so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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