youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
