Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
