They should really pass out barf bags in church
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
