the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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