just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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