Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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