The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
