I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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