The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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