Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
