I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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