This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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