Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
