I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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