i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
