I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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