All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
