what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
