Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
