i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
