don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
wow bdsm is so cute
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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