the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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