I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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