Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
