Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
