Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in