She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.