Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

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(518): View more from New York

In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

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(740): View more from Ohio

Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

(740): View more from Ohio

Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.

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(425): View more from Washington

I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats

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