Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
