You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.