the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
