Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
