Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
