So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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