I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
