it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How external is "for external use only"?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
