Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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