i just google imaged poop.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
