I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
