How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
