I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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