After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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