i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
